Well it seems I’m back! Or am i? No one knows for sure.
But I think I’m going to become painfully more honest and more personal in this blog. Let’s embrace myself for who I really am.
Firstly, I want to say this. I haven’t really moved on. Moved on? From what? The most recent girl I had feelings for. I’ve developed a fear of feelings thanks to an incident. I think I now have trust issues, commitment issues and mild depression. It’s a really long winded story and I haven’t figured out how best to tell it yet, so I’m going to save it for now, and leave you with that.
Secondly, I am quite ashamed of who I am, because I feel like I’m pretending all the time to be someone who will be accepted, liked and loved by others. Why is it that I’m so weird on the inside? Or am I too self conscious? Perhaps I have the wrong friends who I don’t feel comfortable being weird around. Then again, I feel like if I be full out weird, I’ll have zero friends. Where’s the line to be drawn between being true to your self and giving in to society’s mold to fit in?
Thirdly, I think I’m having difficulty making decisions as a leader. Being a leader exposes you to a lot of decision making and when you make a decision, there’s bound to be criticism and feedback. I cave in whenever there’s conflict. I’m not sure if I’m simply too peace-loving or if I’m simply not good at persuading the other party to my decision. I’ve been told alot of times that I don’t make sense while whatever I’m thinking makes perfect sense in my head. My thought process and rationalization has never been my ace anyway.
All these have been worrying me while I’ve been gone. I’ll write more about them in time to come. Meanwhile, I have some plans to write about these brilliant friends I’ve made this year too. Stay tuned.
Frederick The Confused