It was the way she sat. It was the way she sank into the chair, heavy with burden, yet sustaining an impossible air of grace. She leaned towards the floor, reached for her backpack and began to rummage for unfinished homework.
It was one in the morning, and she was weary, but this is her life now. Textbooks found, she pulled it out of her bag and placed it on the table, squarely in front of her. But instead of opening it, she placed a hand across the book, and sighed at the man at the opposite side of the table, me.
“What are you studying today?”
I half-pouted and told her I needed to study for my upcoming mid terms.
She mirrored my pout and reluctantly removed her hand from the textbook and flipped it open.
It’s been almost a year since I last saw her. But time has blessed her well and she’s now even more beautiful than before. Her hair was now a length that finally allowed for natural curls and it was dyed a fierce and passionate deep red. She was definitely the best view I’ve ever had for months.
Perfume emanated from her and floated in the air. It lingered mischievously in the air, seeming to disappear when I inhale deeply, then teasingly returning when I take an unconscious small sniff.
We studied for a while, before she left the room, saying she needed fresh air. I put my pens down and abandoned my work to follow her. We walked out of the deathly silent room and it was as if we had entered an alternate world altogether. This new world we entered was silent too, but it was the peaceful quiescence of the night, not the oppressive quiet of students cramming for an exam that will not matter at all five years down the road. This silence is blissful, and it calmed our senses down, despite us being one of the few beings awake amongst a slumbering majority.
She answered nature’s call as I waited at the top step of a flight of stairs that faced a small thicket of trees. She joined me shortly afterwards, playfully flicking water towards my face. We laughed heartily together, ignorant of the fact that we were guilty of puncturing the night’s tranquil.
Then we quieten down, as if an invisible guardian of the night robbed us of our childish jubilation. We were forced once more to face our own realities. Hers, of her exams, and mine, a more current problem, how to figure her out? I wanted so badly to hold her hand, which I was strongly aware of, through furtive glances from the corner of my eye.
But I could not. She is not and will never be a lover of mine for reasons complicated beyond explanation; I felt like the male lead in my tragic literature books that were all governed by the rule ‘So near, yet so far.’
She stood up. And so did I. Then she walked back to the room, and so did I, with the undying question on my mind – never wishing more than I did then for the ability to read minds – how does she truly feel about me?


Utterly Confused

(C) educational-alternatives.net
(C) educational-alternatives.net Just what the heck is going on?

Never a dull day where you don’t learn anything new.
Today the female friend I thought I had may have just become something much more.
And the female friend I wanted seems to be not a friend at all.
I want what she has with the other guy, but I can’t compete and so I withdrew
But as it turns out, the other guy, may have a thing for guys, one of the few
So dear reader, I’m as confused as you are, I’m facing the stuffs of good drama lore.

Utterly Confused


He was thrust into the room that felt completely foreign to him. He hovered by the door hesitantly, scanning the faces one by one, hoping that he will see someone familiar, but knowing he would not. There was indeed no one he knew. Shit. He wished then that he was invisible, or could camouflage but he already felt eyes on him and he felt the hands pulling him forward and pushing him from behind.

“Introduce yourself!”

He stood with his arms hanging down infront of him, making his bulk look smaller than it actually was. His eyes were trained at his feet and the floral patterned carpet but they slowly wandered up, and his eyes met many other pairs that were looking expectantly at him. His mouth twitched into a nervous smile which resembled more of a gritting of his teeth with the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.

“I- I- I’m Rick.”

“Hi Rick!” came the chorus.

He was ushered into a seat beside a girl bearing a “MED RAG” tee. He thought she looked gorgeous. Naturally, he blushed.

“Hi there!” The girl turned to face him enthusiastically. “Your name is Rick right?”

He nodded, his eyes darting from the ground, to her face, then back to the ground again.

“Is Rick short for anything?”

He nodded again, this time he kept his eyes trained at the leg of the chair in front of him.

The girl looked at him expectantly and ducked her head to try to see his face, which was half hidden because he kept his head bowed and his long hair obscured her from a perfect view. Then, realizing he was not going to speak, she spoke up instead.

“Hey, you don’t have to be so shy!! My name is Elsa! Like from the movie Frozen!” She stuck out her hand.

He stopped boring the carpet with his gaze and looked at her hand. Rather, he examined it as if he was trying to decide if it was harmful to him in any way. The pair paused there uncertainly, waiting for Rick to complete the gesture. Then instead, Elsa moved and grabbed Rick’s right hand with hers, and shook it.

“There!” She let go of his hand. “So what do you study?”

“Accounting,” he mumbled.

Elsa was then feeling very grateful for the fact that she had excellent hearing because otherwise, she would never have heard his whisper over the loud din. Everyone were having great conversations around her and getting to know one another. It was the first icebreaker session they had as a group and everyone was speaking all at once and the room resembled a noisy fish market in the morning.

“Are you a freshman?”

He nodded. Then he spoke up. “You?”

As he spoke, he stopped bowing his head and looked up at her. It was the first time after he entered the room when his eyes saw something beautiful other than the carpet. His eyes unintentionally widened and a deep red flushed across his face. He immediately looked back to the florals on the ground. He hoped she did not notice.

But she did.

Elsa felt a flutter of hope when he finally raised his head, then she finally got a clear view of his face and what she saw surprised her greatly. He had an adorable nose and a pair of black spectacles framed a pair of curious, albeit shy, eyes. But the main feature she noticed was the deep red of his cheeks. Was he blushing? Her smile faltered for a second. Then she picked up the conversation once more.

“So what school were you from?”

Rick now was very careful to orientate his head such that his hair completely obscured his face now. He could feel the heat in his cheeks and wished that it would go away.

“Anderson,” He answered.

“Anderson JC? Oh okay, I’m from poly(technic).”

Rick felt a twinge of disappointment. He had a poor impression of polytechnic students. He himself went to a Junior College and he always thought polytechnic students were an academically ill-equipped bunch. But this girl seemed genuinely nice, and there was something about her that made him be able to tell that she was smart. Possibly smarter than him, but that is not very likely.

Gingerly, his mouth moved and formed words that he never imagined he would ever utter that night, if not forever.

Elsa was caught by surprise when her excellent hearing picked up his words as well.

“Elsa, I don’t like poly students.”

She felt a disgust surge through her because she always believed in kindness.

Rick waited a long pause before he plucked the courage to say the next sentence that followed.

“But that was before I met you.”


The Apple and The Tree

Credits: artfoodhome.com
Credits: artfoodhome.com

Why did the apple fall so far from the tree?
We are as different as night and day
It’s as if we live in two different worlds
That cause friction everytime they collide

Whenever you talk about history
All I hear is irrelevance
Your advice, I never heed
It made no difference after all

But during rare eclipses,
Night meets day and we would talk
Laughter, the joyful sound pleases
Then an abrupt end.

The Apple and The Tree

Being in Love with a Friend

Since we met,
my cell would ring, and
it would always be you.

You may not know.
She will never know,
but I love her.
It has been that way for some time.

I wish I could tell you
the words I yearn to say
Let’s not be friends, let’s be more.

I could never find the words to admit my feelings true.
So I keep them suppressed. We are great as friends.
We could be greater, I thought.
Does she think the same?

If women are as complicated as they say,
then your words would mean that you like me too.
And I repeated them back to you
And locked us in as ‘just friends’.

I am complicated
I don’t mean what I say
Because I mean what I never said:
“Let’s not be friends, let’s be more.”

Being in Love with a Friend